What do I want?

It's been on my mind. I should declare my destination. And it's really scary. I might actually get it.

I'm tired of the lies. I wanna see life for what it is. I wanna see me for what I am.

The scary part is I think it means letting go of everything. EVERYTHING.

I already feel my attachments to life as it is. I think to myself "it's bad now but it's not always bad. It will get better. And I will get to enjoy it again". DO I wanna give that possibility up?

That thought itself is disgusting. I don't have any other way to describe it. I'm trying to talk myself into another cycle on this merry-go-round. Except it's not so merry right now. Which means it doesn't have it's usual hold on me. I'm as close as I'll ever be to letting go and I'll be damned if I let this opportunity slip away again.

I want out.

If there is a truth, I want to know it. If there is no truth, I want to know that too. I don't care. I just want out of this existence. I didn't create it. I didn't choose it.

I choose the truth. Whatever that might be.

This is my intention. My desire. And my prayer. That I know the truth once and for all.