What are you scared of?

The question morphed for me yesterday. Out of the blue, "what is true?" became "what are you scared of?". And the answer is scary. So scary, in fact, I was not sure I could write it down. The scary thing of the moment is being maimed. Like having an accident or something and losing and a hand or a foot or an eye. That scares the crap out of me. I have not had a chance to go deeper into it.

I think it's scary because I would feel less than a complete person then. In other words, I still think of my body as me. When I look at it that way it begins to seem false. I am not my body. But that's just a thought. Internally, I still think I'm my body.

Wow! I'm beginning to see massive ego structures that are propped up by my body. By being a man, being masculine, attractive, healthy, young, ...etc. I may be getting over I'm not my job, but it looks like I'm still pretty entrenched in my body is me. That's probably why thinking about losing a body part feels so scary to me.

Here is the kicker, though; this body will vanish. I will lose to the earth sooner or later. Why does it matter if I lose it part by part or all at once? I think it has to do with my fear of having to depend on others if I'm handicapped somehow. It's that deeply-engrained 8 fear of being dominated by others.

I guess I still think I dictate what happens. What I get and don't get. Like it all depends on my actions and ability to take action.

The more I write about this, the more absurd it seems. I don't do anything. The universe just flows. And things and people flow toward me and away from me. None of it is under my control or influence in any way. The best thing I can do is get out of the way, pay attention to what comes, and choose it.